An interview with Sue Cohen, the author's mother, conducted by Andy Miles, September 14, 2004, at the Lying Together launch party, Washington, D.C.

AM  What have your impressions been of this, the success that Jennifer has had with publishing this book?

SC  Jennifer is an extraordinary young woman and this has been one of her dreams. And to watch one's child's dreams come true is an amazing and most gratifying experience.

AM  Now that the book is coming out, are you finding this is coming up often in conversations that you have with friends and family?

SC  As the book has come out, I think as more people read the book, they're going to have some serious questions about the book. But it's so incredibly well written that I think it's going to be perceived in a very, very positive way.

AM   What sort of communication did you have with your daughter during this experience that she relates in the book? What did you know was happening?

SC   I knew a great deal of what was happening while this experience in her life was going on. And to read about it many years later is not as overwhelming for me in any respect as it was while this extraordinary experience was going on for her, because there were moments that I was fearful for her. And she came out in an extraordinary way.

AM  Fearful for her physical safety and her psychological well-being?

SC  Both. I was at one point very frightened for her physical well-being because the man she was with was not in control of himself at that point, and her psychological well-being. But I really believed in Jennifer and I knew that she would come out the other end, which she clearly has.

AM  And you met him?

SC  I did meet him several times — many times. And it was all very fast. And I obviously had a great deal of concerns, because the first time Jen — she had a photograph of him at one of my birthdays. I said, "You have got to be kidding," and that just came out of nowhere for me. So there was a part of me that probably intuitively knew that this was really not the person I had dreamt about for her.

AM  As far as the psychological process that was involved in writing this, in the actual writing and the telling of the story, were you involved at any level with her during that time, or was that a very individual, private kind of experience?

SC  It was Jennifer's private, individual choice to write this book. We knew she was writing it, and we would joke about that we would have to go underground after she published the book and change our names. And once I read the book, it was really not as upsetting as I had anticipated. In fact, it was quite wonderful to read about it. And it was a part of her life that she went through that I wish that she hadn't had to have that pain, but the writing of the book for her was a real healing process. So I really respect her for having done it and done it in the way that she did do it.

AM  On what levels would you have expected the book to be upsetting as you prepared to read it?

SC  I think that Jen was more concerned about what our reaction was going to be to reading it because it's pretty personal, on many levels. But because we had lived through this extraordinary experience with her and she allowed us into her life, and has always allowed us to be part of her life, it was really a celebration of Jen that she could write this book and write it in the honest way that she wrote it.

AM  Well, in thinking about this, no matter how close a parent might be with a daughter or a son, this brings it to a whole different level of intimacy, because there are obviously things that she elaborates on in the kind of detail that she couldn't, or wouldn't, in a one-on-one situation. I wonder how that registered with you?

SC  I think that's a wonderful question, and I've thought about that. And I think the answer to that is that time plays a wonderful dimension in all of this and that Jen is in the place she is today probably because she went through this experience. Had she been in a different place today, not been with the man she loves, who we adore, I might be having a very different interview with you. So there was nothing in the book that was as shocking as I had anticipated it would be for me.

AM  How would you compare Michael and —

SC  (Laughs.)

AM  I guess in some way there's no comparison.

SC  There isn't. Michael is somebody who embraces life in a very wonderful, loving way, and it's not fair to compare two people. Michael is somebody who — he kind of entered our family's life and we all felt like this is the right person. And in our wonderful, sometimes chaotic but very loving family, it was the right fit. And there was not a question on the part of any of us.

AM  And you had no sense of that with Kevin?

SC   No, I had no sense that this was going to fit in the way that we needed it to fit, or that Jen would feel comfortable, ultimately, in having it work for her in our family. We would have made it work. But there's something magical about Jennifer and Michael together that just makes me feel really at peace for her.

AM  When I talked to your sister, she said that this was not the kind of thing that would happen to Jen today because she's a different person now; she wouldn't necessarily fall into the same traps. And her husband says the same.

SC  I think we all grow by the experiences that we have. So are we different because of the experiences? Sure. But each experience makes us into who we are. And you don't wish that experience on your child, because it's difficult as a parent to watch your kid go through that. But if Jen's life remains the way it is, that will be wonderful. But I don't know that you can look into a crystal ball and say, "this is what's going to happen next."

AM  Do you think that was the kind of experience that could have happened to anyone in certain circumstances, or was there something about her that maybe predicted that outcome?

SC  I don't know that one predicts those kinds of situations. And it was a unique situation. There are many other young people who have gotten involved in — you know, the world looks very glamorous and exciting, and sometimes we make choices that get us into situations that are kind of above anything that we're prepared to deal with. And the situation Jennifer found herself in was one that was extraordinary in all kinds of ways.

AM  Has this experience, this book made your relationship stronger, brought you closer together?

SC   I'm blessed with a very strong relationship with Jennifer. So has this brought us closer together? I feel that I'm one of the lucky mommies of this world that I feel that I have a very strong and positive relationship with Jen. So I don't know that the book has brought us any closer together, but I am extremely proud that she was able to do this for herself.